And I'm posting this blog so its easier for me to read your reply, as I wanna spend as less time quarrelling over this at home as I can. So I'll be accessing this mostly at school.
A couple things I wanna clarify.
1) By relationship, I mean status. Being 'the couple'. Any labelling.
2) All I wanted was just to be FRIENDS. Like the way I'm friends with Dan. Or Matt. Or whatever.
3) Why? Because I don't have the time/energy/mind for a relationship. For it to be anything more than friends. I CAN'T HANDLE IT.
4) Thats PURELY why I chose this in the first place. Not any other reason.
5) Which is why I find it extremely melodramatic that you'd be so overthrown about it and end up putting everything else on the line and making such a big deal about it.
6) Which is also why I find NO RIGHT for you to call me selfish or cruel.
7) BECAUSE. If you loved me, you'd understand the struggle that it causes me. You'd understand that forcing myself to carry on with it is adding onto hardship. Its putting me through more than I need to be in.
8) SELFISH is asking for a relationship knowing the other person can't handle it.
9) And putting our friendship on the line for this? I think that was a really ridiculous thing you did there.
10) The ONLY REASON why I would have said I still wanted something was because my FEELINGS didn't change, I just couldn't handle it RIGHT NOW.
11) Which is why you had no reason to call me cruel. If I got hit by a car and was in a coma and wasn't in the proper condition to handle a relationship with you, would you call me cruel as well? Its the same thing.
12) You're not the only person with feelings. You have no idea how much you've hurt me through this.
13) I didn't throw anything away besides a status or crap. YOU were the one that made the rest of the decisions when you took this more seriously than it should have.
14) You made it a bigger deal than it actually was.
15) And so now you're right. It IS too late now. You changed my mind now. I agree. I don't want to wait anymore.
16) I'm scared of you now. Why? Because of the way you judge weakness.
17) If you love someone, you seek to understand their struggles. You realize WHY they don't want something that you do. And instead of moping saying they're selfish, you seek to support them.
18) You didn't. All you worried about was the loss of "being a couple" or crap. You only saw your own pain. You were in love with the RELATIONSHIP. Not with me. So much that you blinded yourself and you couldn't (and still can't) see how much YOUR reaction to this is putting me through.
19) And even more disappointing, you told people. You gave off the impression of me being the terrible person who deliberately hurt you. You let them judge me negatively. You let that happen.
20) And you told Aaron. You have no idea what happened today because of what you did. You have NO idea how much trouble you've caused, over THIS.
21) All because I'm not strong enough to keep up with so many things at once?
22) There is NO reason for you to call me cruel for WHY I chose to end it in the first place. If I had told you "GTFO, I hate you, get out of my life", THEN I'd be a cruel person. But I didn't.
23) The only reason for it was because I couldn't handle it all at once.
24) I realize it was sudden. I realize it wasn't the best thing. But like I said. You're not the only one that it matters to. I care too. I valued it too.
25) Sadly you still don't understand that.
26) You have no idea how blind you are.
posted by Nubcakechan @ 6:35 PM
2 Comments:
Okay ill tell you now I’m SORRY I took this whole ‘relationship’ thing all too seriously and trust me it was you I loved not the relationship these 6 months, if you don’t believe me then just think about the last 6 months and who I really Loved if you still don’t then I have nothing to say. Btw I dunno what Aaron told you, but he can’t even remember himself lawl. I do care. More than you’ll ever know or understand it’s just that I never told you. You say I’m not caring but that’s just ONCE. Have you already forgotten everything I’ve done in the past? Also, my reaction is pretty legit. I was hurt and I cried over the fact you didn’t have time for ‘anything more than a friendship’ or what I tried to call a relationship sorry if I used the wrong words. In the beginning I asked if you knew what you were getting into and what it meant. Yes I understand you don’t have time but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. That ‘loss’ made me say some stupid stuff and I’m sorry and I acknowledge that I was an ass alright? While I was hurt I did think about you, that’s why I thought it would be better to not talk for a while and shrugged off your conversations. I knew I would of blown up on you if I talked to you because of the ‘loss’ and would of made things worse. I needed time to accept that fact and move on. You say you wanted support in this time, but you’re not the only one, I could have used some too. Your reaction to my reaction, could you have been more patient and understand too? And explain things w/o blowing up on me and making things worse? (Honestly you don’t have to be an ass to get your point across cause that really hurt) Don’t assume anything. I never said ANYTHING bad about you. I only told 3 people about this and that was because I needed someone to talk to. If anything I’ve been trying to STOP anything bad that was being said about you. Once you again you never will know how much I care about you. I’ve checked and the only thing that was leaked from my end was that was that we ‘broke up’ and not to mention it again, THAT’S ALL. And if you’re angry at that, I don’t understand. Isn’t this what you wanted? To have no ‘status’? cause right now we don’t and that’s for sure. And IF people are angry or think badly, of you that MIGHT be because YOU ‘broke up’ with me. It’s called HUMAN NATURE and I can’t control that. While I’m on this topic I’ll tell you now that you think way TOO MUCH about how others think of you, but that’s just my opinion. Moreover, I’m SORRY for any drama or thing that Aaron has caused/ done and I’ll take the blame for it. Aaron just sometimes acts…. Nubbish and I’m sorry. Just know whatever happened it wasn’t intentional. As for the future, I just want to get my life back together and move on from this. As for us, I just want stay friends [oh yeah btw I NEVER had the idea of putting our friendship on the line, that’s just never passed through my mind, despite what you may THINK.] After all, who wouldn’t want to friends with the one and only nubcake?
Ps. If your ever going to dump someone, at least tell them in PERSON >.> I know how bad it is for girls and I’m no different -.-. Second of all, I think it would be best to give some space for each other for a while and from then on we’ll just have to find out.
1) Like I said. If you really loved me, you would have sought to understand WHY I did this and not have gone all hissy and blaming at me.
2) And its really hard to be patient with someone that doesn't understand AT ALL, after me repeating myself over and over in the simplest ways.
3) And no, its not that I care what people think about me. Its the FACT that you went out and let things spread WITHOUT understanding the situation fully, and only having the feeling of blaming me on your mind. You gave people bias. You don't do that when you 'love' someone.
4) Like the thing with Aaron. Its one thing telling people things that paint a negative picture about someone's mind, but you KNOW how Aaron is. And you could have avoided that. You really didn't consider/think AT ALL in what you're doing. Carelessness.
5) I'm not scared of telling you in person. But its KINDA HARD to talk to you IN PERSON when you're in toronto and I'm gone too, if you've already forgotten, being ignorant to the situation again. And I'd be happy to tell you again, if it means anything to you.
6)And space is right. Like I said, I'm done with this congregation.
Post a Comment
<< Home