Happy halloween ~!
Day started off busy. Epic phail during orchestra concert, fun class in dance, fought with mom, and then a pretty good worship team practice ^^
Okay so I'm skipping most of the day and going straight to the evening :P
Biked to church because I couldn't find a ride...believe me, it felt like hell x.x The wind was super amazingly strong, could barely pedal or breath. Hair kept getting blown in my face and couldn't see, and couldn't control the bike because the wind was too strong. Didn't help that it was an uphill climb the whole way, either Dx Pretty much died, it was pitch black and really scary. Finally got to church, somehow just missed Nubcake? Hmm.
Flashlight hunt + candy, whoot (: 2nd team ftw xD Chocolate is good stuff @_@ and then had a discussion about halloween, and apparently its okay for us to celebrate it. Which is pretty awesome. Aaron had some fail logic there.
Aaron...arghh. Really starting to piss me off, tbh. Being so cocky and offensive. Puts people down...in PUBLIC too. I didn't care if it was just us two and he says stuff like that to me, but in front of everyone else? Wtfrig. -.-''
Went to Nubcake's after, watched Castle in the Sky (the one Connie or someone really wanted to watch when we were little). It was good ;o Although I was being very distracted during the movie...-no gory details- >.> For some reason had a really hard time controlling my heart...thanks to SOMEONE. Had a lot of...erm...interesting moments ;3 And reminded me very much of many of my dreams, almost kinda like deja vu ;o
Was really funny when Nubcake was telling Roycey to go upstairs :P Poor Roycey, has to put up with us two xD I wonder if he caught the rawr during that one point...;o Reminds me of that time at Dan's place when we were caught mid-hug in the staircase >.>
Lying there...I could see the future I want ^^ Something I could definitely live with :P Just felt so...-insert word here along the lines of happy-... being there. Six hours went by way too quickly. Felt like a really short long moment. Wish it could last forever.
Aaahhhhh *cloudnine*
Anyways. Parents gone for the week. Too bad it doesn't magically lessen my homework load. Arghh...such a waste. So much freedom, no time to use it x.x Tomorrow's sunday, FREEDOM sunday, and Nubcake can't hang out :( Oh well. I'll just go home and nap. And science. And math. And face reality of school.
Bleh. Monday comes by way too quickly.
But for now...
Best halloween/night of life ♥

So Nubcake's at the party right now, where I really really really really really really want to be. :( I could make it less lonely !!! D:
Can't believe I'm actually not there. After awaiting/daydreaming about it for so long >.> Arghhh. Life hates me T.T
Had a really epic dream last night :3 Basically...different replays of good times with my Nubcake :D Just having him there...felt like Friday had come already ;o And then somehow he was in my room. And at first I was so surprised he was there I had no clue what was going on and I was sure I was going to wake up. And then I did. Well, not really. But kinda. And I fell back into the dream and he was still right there. ;o In my room...on the bed. o-o Err...I CAN EXPLAIN. >.>
So we were just there...I was so happy to see him...missed him so much. Tackled him and gave him a biiiggg supperr rawrr squish bear hug :3 So we just laid there for a while, talking, laughing, teasing / joking around like we usually do when we hang out...and then all of a sudden my dad comes in ! He opens the door partway and I quickly shut it on him, and I hide Nubcake under my covers and hug it really tightly like I'm pretending to hug a giant teddy bear (since I have a LOT of them) ;o and my dad comes in, gives me a funny look, and leaves. (Yeah, I have NO CLUE how that worked out. Its a dream, shh.) Nearly gave me an in-dream heart attack >.> But kekekeke...sneaking him in my room was fun >;3 First dream that lasted so long...and felt like I could keep coming back even after waking up and he'd still be there ;o Pretty epic :D
Anyways...pretty much it. So embaressing him making me tell x.x
And then today ;o Waited for a long time for him after school, at first was worried I JUST missed him, and he was somewhere wandering in the school not knowing where I was. But then he finally showed up, so phew ^^; Made plans for tomorrow night...well kinda. Still dunno yet, seeing as I don't have a ride to ANYWHERE. o_o Went to chapters, saw this book with epic cupcakes that made me wish I could cook @_@ and he kept thinking really hard about something ;o Which made me think of many things as well. Hmmm...in a way its wierd. I always visualized the future, but never set specifics. So his question was very silly today, when he asked if I would still love him if things didn't turn out the way I imagined. I don't have set specifics I want for the future. Just him. And a stable job. And if I'm lucky, less-nagging from the parents. =.='' The future is mostly what we make of it ourselves, I'm not worried about being disappointed, as long as I get the two things. ^^ Would he, though? Still love me if things didn't turn out the way HE imagined it? ;o And kekeke. His question on his blog is silly. I already know hes 'crazy'. :P Well, moreso just a Nubcake ;) MY nubcake :D But tbh, I've been much crazier with my insanely odd ideas >.> Oh, me and my imagination...
Nothing else special in the day. Failing at science. Did archery in gym (I felt like a maplestory character! ;o) And...mhmm. Pretty much it. Hoping to do better in math this unit. Arghh. HOPING.
Anyways, if you're reading this, nighty night my Nubcake. Hope the party goes well (: I love you very very much. ♥

Super sick today :(
Woke up this morning and was in pain all over. Took two classes, then couldn't stand it so I came home and slept. Went to Docs, who said it was just a cold, so I went to see the volleyball game.
Forest Heights vs WCI ;o Lol, Tess and Geeta must hate me now for cheering for FHCI. So glad to finally see everyone again (: Neinkel, Aaron, Dan, Alen, Mitch, Nick...
Took their bus home, too xD Thanks to Alen. Was surprised he wanted to see me that badly ;o Especially after he ditched me all those times before >.> But glad to see him again today ^^ Arghh miss Forest people so much T.T Should have told Natalia he was coming today, haha. She would've LOVED to see him :P
So went back with them after the game, hung out with Alen for a few. So awkward when Tanisha was there xD Haha she was paranoid. Wierd, since I've met her before o-o Caught up with each other, talked about the past, blahblahblah. Ahh, the good ol' times x3
Amy invited me to their dance tonight, but clearly I'm not well enough to go x.x She says she'll sign me in for Semi this year. Hopefully my parents wont pull another jerk move on me this year. Frig, last year still brings back bad memories o.x
Which reminds me of tomorrow. Again. x.x
I wanna go so badly...just THINKING about it...argh...
I wanna go outside and look at stars with Nubcake T.T
Why does life just have to be so mean to me?! ._.

Did I mention you're in a loooaaddd of trouble? (:
Because you are ;o
Whoops is right !
If I were you I'd be terrified. Shaking in your feet, horribly scared of the trouble you are in.
-shakes pinkie-
Omfg got teased so bad today >.>
And haha, you know that guy that walked by and was like, "Good job, man" or something to you?
Him and all his friends have been trying to figure out who you were for the past two weeks :P Been teasing me nonstop and asking me about it >.>
AND THEN MY FRIEND SAW US
CUZ SHE JUST HAPPENED TO BE WATCHING
AND SHE RAN ACROSS THE CAFE GOING "OMG YUJIEE"
So...embaressing Dx
She's so gonna bring it up >.> She already did =.=''
Oh youre in so much trouble.
SOOOOO much trouble.
Btw, bad news. :(
My moms not letting me go to Doris's !!! !!!!!! !!! !!! !! ! ! ! !! !!!!!! T^T~
SO GHEY.
SHE SAYS I CAN'T GO BECAUSE OF MY COUGH.
LIKE
BBQWTF.
T^T
So I'm crossing my fingers and begging God like INSSAANNNEE asking him to get me better enough by friday so I can go
BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA GO
T-T
But yeah. Anyways yeah. >.>
You need to go online ~~ :(
2 more days till friday.
I love youu ~ ♥

Just missed 11:11.
Well, that was a crappy day.
Just had to rain on the day of our trip. Really bad gym class too, but math was alright. Quartet practice was fail. Waiting at school for so long was fail.
It was all fail.
Had the rally today. Was expecting a lot better turnout, and maybe something more fun? It ended very quickly. Wish I had more time to spend with Nubcake...
Nubcake...
Old habits die hard, you could say? Just been freaking out lately. Keep having these subtle reminders of the past, and then I see myself acting the way I once did. And then cursing myself for it after, just do repeat the same mistakes. Remembering him turning away from me for this, remembering the times he blew up on me for it. I feel so paranoid for worrying about this, but its so true it scares me insanely. I dont wanna be like that again...especially not to my Nubcake.
But I'm watching myself make the same mistakes over and over...
Another thing that brought up the past. Ben mentioned him today. Asked me how things were. What did I have to tell him? The fact we hate each other and completely blocked each other from our lives even though unfortunately we still hear about each other? Even worse, hearing about him and Juanita. Frig, how the hell did he get all tight with JUANITA? And now using her to mess with Ben. He should be the last person to try to 'help' their relationship. Since he can't even stay faithful to his own girlfriend. Can't even keep simple promises. Can't go on without lies. Can't...can't...
I hate the past. I can't seem to get away from it. As much as I've been able to move on, theres still a fear of it repeating.
I wish it wouldn't. I wish I wouldn't be so dumb. And senseless. I wish I wouldn't make the same mistakes I did over and over again. I wish I wasn't so afraid of this. I wish history would just stop repeating itself and move on. I wish I wouldn't be the person I once was. To screw up with Nubcake. "Mauling" him, as Aaron once put it. Or just be...what Nate spazzed at me for. In a ways, I know he was right.
Is it too much to wish for things to just work out? I once made a thousand stars wishing to be able to bring someone happiness. In the end, it came true. Then there were those wishes that hadn't come true. That surely could have. Until he threw them away.
This last wish I want so badly to come true. If it takes a thousand more stars, I'd do it. If it means following the traditional rules of not telling, I'd follow it. Even if it hurts insanely bad in the process. I'd go for it.
...just wish...just wish...
Using up every 11:11, every wishing fountain I come across, every first star. Anything.
I just wish...things would work out.
That I can love him.
Without being forced away.
Without being the idiot I once was and making the same mistakes to screw things up.
Without upsetting him so much.
And that he'll love me back.
And continue to do so.
That he won't end up changing his mind.
That he won't leave me.
That I won't upset him enough that he will.
And that we'll be able to just be together.
Without fears.
And just stay.
Just wanna be with you...is it so much to ask for?
Maybe the reason I really am keeping this from him...is because I'm afraid of his reaction...if he turns it down?
And because I'm really truly paranoid about the 'don't tell anyone or else it won't come true'.
But maybe it is silly to believe in a saying. Because whether it comes true or not...is actually still in our power.
No stupid mistakes...don't want him to...go.
No bad habits.
Sigh.
He asked if I would be on.
And I was, but I...upset him again. He actually sounded quite pissed/annoyed.
And so he left.
I wish he didn't. Although I guess he should.
But just knowing he's there...makes me feel at ease. If thats the right way to put it.
Like that one picture: