Alright so in summary, the past nights have been quite interestingly spent.
Never thought our convos would take this type of turn >.> Interesting...xD
Basically...really tried to open up our feelings towards this aspect :P Its a...really different sidetrack, I must say. xD But I'm glad we're open. (: Some couples really arent...and I'm glad to have him. ^^
Which I guess made things a lot easier.

Alright so today.
Went out with Foblet, walked out in the freezing -20 weather. Turns out both BBT's were closed -.- So we settled for Williams. Idiot us, ordered two large frozen drinks and an ice cream cheesecake. Ftw. :D
Waited 23 mins in the cold for the bus. Painful.
Told her about Nubcake. Told her the gist of who he is to me, etcetc. It was funny, she approved so easily :P Talking to her is so much easier than others ;o Hope she can find her guy soon. =/

Anyways. Got to Nubcake's place. Trying so hard...watching every aspect of myself to make a good impression, a good person for him. Never had this type of trouble before. x.x And I guess Aunty Juana was right...what he needs most is my support. Which I should keep sticking to, but I guess in order for me to fully do that, I need to watch MY own habits as well. If I'm going to make him eat properly, I gotta do so too. Will do, for him. (: Got pwned at bubble game >.> Why am I so challenged T.T Hmm...wonder what Roycey thought when Ryan made him go up. xD And yes, do need to find a better classroom. Dx

Okay...as for the uhm, main part. >.>
Was really nervous tbh. x.x Kept wondering what was on his mind since the beginning...didn't know what to expect. Everything feels so new to me for some odd reason Dx So so nervous...was anticipating when it'd start ;o Tried to lure him a little, guess it worked haha. But...hm. Wow. Didn't know I turned him on so easily either. :P Kekeke...
Noticed recently...his rawr has changed quite a bit ;o Especially since that first day. Hmm...for one, he seems much more confident haha. And...I dunno. Just...as if he's hinting/thinking about something while he is. Which of course, I found out later, was a lead on stimulator. lmao. Really had to question how he knew all this if it was his first...(which of course, I found out just tonight.)
Guess he didn't really do much teasing today :P Took me slightly by surprise. Just slightly. (and sheesh, theres really not much 'easier' I can get in regards to attire. >.> I pretty much only wear jeans in winter. xP - me sticking tongue out at choo-) And then, he went south. Took me REALLY by surprise how...well I guess, mostly how far/fast he went? xD Personal opinion...wasn't expecting him to go so far so soon. And I guess, a little too fast? Slow pace is nice. (:
Went south and...ate me out. >.> At first, was extremely wondering and slightly worried about what he was thinking. And what it was, for him. -.- Slightly embaressing when he made his little 'wet' comment. Its not something girls can control either, kay?! D: Tbh...not even the first...>.> (dont read this, pls kthxbai) Other than that, it was very distracting, hard to keep my mind straight. >.> He did a very good job, for first time. o-o and I guess in a way...
I could feel he...really thought about what he did. And that behind all this, he cared about how I felt. Which I guess was why this felt new, and felt so much...better? Ill admit I'm naturally differentiating between this and the dark past. Its so wierd that...he cares so much about me. And like I said...I can somehow...6th sense it? Behind everything he does.
Often times I'm scared that...when any guy turns to this side of him, I completely lose him and can't recognize him. But I knew my Ryan was there. I could feel the thought he put into everything. That what really did matter most was my happiness. Its...touching to know, I guess (for lack of better phrasing)? But I guess now, makes me feel...lacking. I want to make him happy and stimulate him too. (Yes I said both.) D:
Slowly learning everything...really pushing my mind to speed-learn everything he's teaching me. (And to learn it well, of course). I feel like such a noob Dx Its embaressing. I guess...when it comes to this stuff, I'm not exactly the expert or genious. >.> For once creativity gets difficult, as I usually restrict my mind and self from going down that path. >.> Self control, y'know? (No I'm not saying you have none, silly :P Just as a girl, its what I'm used to ^^; We control ourselves a bit easier :P) And like he said, theres just more a guy can do for a girl. Sheesh. D:
HJ...still learning. >.> I find myself scared of hurting him. x.x LOL, funny stories about Sarah. :P No comment. But yeah...I wish I could learn better dammit. -.- I guess he just has to...somehow let me know more what he prefers? And as for BJ...lmao, NOW I feel like a Landon. But yeah, I see her perspective. It wasn't that she was scared or didn't want to. She didn't know how. >.> And like I said...its nerves, but mostly nerves because I dont know what he prefers. I just want it...to satisfy him. >.>
(Wow I am saying a crapload of stuff I usually shut and push back into the far ends of my mind never to be brought up ever.)
There was one point...where we just laid there for a while. I had my arm around him and I was resting on his...it just felt so comfortable. Reminds me of when I was little...that one point in time where I had a really hard time sleeping, and everytime I managed, I'd have nightmares. So I always called mom or dad to come and sleep beside me. Felt...safe. But this was...safe comfy, haha. Just felt...right. Felt like I was in the right place. Like back then when those times we hugged, I felt like I fit there. (Never told him this, it was too odd to bring up >.>) But...kinda like (8) right where yours fit perfectly...type of thing? Couldn't get that feeling out of my head for a long time...it was really nice. @_@ Still can't.
Got on top of him after that :P Pinned him down, attacked him, and gave him a hickie :3 In all honesty (I SWEAR), at first I was just teasing :P Really didn't think it'd leave a mark, but then I decided to might as well just go in for it xD Turns out it DID leave quite a mark...in a place where he's having a LOT of trouble hiding. Kekeke...whoops. :3 At least now the world will know he's mine. :D
Okay back to details.
-shudder-
Mmm...like said, really good at what he does. @_@ Sensitive spots...north, he definitely got that one >.> Ears, he didn't go for. Kinda surprised? Neck...haha. he noticed that was a big one for me. >.> Back...yup. Arms...surprisingly yes. I dont know if everything is more for me because I'm so ticklish? That I'm more sensitive? Wierd. Kiss yes...but tbh I find I'm rather picky towards that one, for it to be a stimulator. :P South...well, took him a while but he found the two. >.> tbh, he found it long before he realized he did, doesn't have to be EXACT, I still feel it. >.> Was really surprised how my body reacted to that one...was expecting it at some point but not at the time, not that soon ;o Wierd. And sure, as a sidenote to what he said, I guess its kinda like 4th? o-o But not going to go into that atm. And yes, it felt really nice. @_@ He has no idea. Feeling...kinda like burning aching for him. For more. x.x (I really hope he doesn't think bad of me for this)
I was really surprised he asked me if he was 'better in bed' than him. :P Guy pride thing, hm? Interesting. But yes, there's no competition (and I'm not just saying x.x). Just for the record, I didn't like it before. At all. I felt used, and manipulated...and just...a tool. He didn't listen when I constantly said stop. When I said he was hurting me. When I said I didn't want to. When I worried, he shunned it off. Nubcake isn't like that. He cares. Which is why everything not only feels so much differently to me emotionally, but physically as well. I wonder if he notices, or is doing it on purpose - that I can feel him caring in what he does. So yes silly, you are much better. ^^
As for the hardest part...is just watching him go all out just to satisfy me, to make me happy. And it just...burns, kills, that I'm not nearly as experienced and can't stimulate him the way he does for me. x.x I want it to be equal...I want him 'satisfied' the same way. Its...I don't even know how to put it into words. Its somewhat unbearable at times, mmkay? Really wanna change that. D: I dont wanna be the one that 'doesn't know'. I wanna give back the same...>.> Sigh...just dunno. More trial and error? The hardest thing is feeling like a failure. T.T At times, the more I fail, the more I feel like I can't, that theres something wrong with me. x.x I guess this is the hardest part to it all, the hardest part to bear. I just wanna be equal, mkay? D:

I wonder how detailed that is. Its quite long, really dont wanna scroll up and reread + check -.- If he has any questions, he can ask me. ^^;

Went to Michaels (love that place) after, got some ideas, saw some ideas ;o Really wish I could've carried out that cottage plan >.> Oh well, maybe one day in the distant future when we live together and I have time + space to work on that type of thing ;o Basically...just wanted something to give him the "home" feeling. With me there. Something to turn his mind + heart to, after a long weary day. Just a bit of comfort. (:
Went home, ate, had the wedding ;o The whole time, really wanted it to be real T.T SO looking forward to that future...Gotta give him some pointers for when that day comes though :3 aka, NO FOREPLAY BEFORE THE WEDDING. IT WILL KNOCK HIM OUT >.> As well as making sure he knows where the ring is, what to do, etcetc :P haha, just kidding. It was funny watching him go through it xD Funny how I know all this about weddings. o_O Dunno where THAT came from. But hmm...always wanted one. I remember the one time telling my parents I couldn't wait till I got married xD Hey, they promised me a VERY lavishing one ;) "as long as you find the right person at the right time" *rolls eyes* I'll let them know, one day. That I found 'the one' long ago, and was just waiting for the day ever since. >.> (8) Dun, dun, dun dunnn.... -insert wedding march here-
@_@
Lastly, gave him the thing. What he said? :
"You have no idea how glad I am to have found you.
In a way its perfect for me to.
Its exactly what I was looking for."
Something along those lines.
Just made me feel so...happy and loved. So glad to finally be the one he's looking for, after wanting to be for so long. The past...always wanting to be, always trying to prove to be, always hinting at him that there WAS someone out there that could meet what he wanted. That could show him a real relationship that was true and worked. Guess I finally am that person. He finally found me. (:
Argh..cloud nine...
What else to say? ;o
Under covers safe and warm?
Lots of that today. ^^;

posted by Nubcakechan @ 9:29 PM