Blogging a bit before I start working again.

An okay past few days. A few disappointments in grades. =/ Just getting through each day, dreading school. Can't wait till xmas holiday. 5 more weeks. (:

Why is school so difficult to get by with? It never was before. Before...sigh. Maybe if I never was an idiot and switched schools, I wouldn't be this bothered right now. Maybe I'd feel slightly more myself. Maybe.

But I'm leaving soon. Moving on even further than I had. Gonna miss it all like crazy...

Last weekend was good ^^ Managed to hang out still, on saturday :P (Happy belated B-day, Roycey!) Went out to Pizza and then got locked out because dumdum mom left the church =.='' Then their parents came and we waited inside the car. Arghh, so nervewracking D: Kinda really scared of uncle Alex, don't think he likes me much x.x Getting Nubcake in trouble too much. :(

Bleehh and then that night Roycey told Nubcake that AARON (of all people ffs -_-) sent me msgs saying he loved me and blablabla. Sheesh >.> Kinda hurt, considering even though he didn't believe it, he still believed for a bit that there WAS something like that on my phone. =/ Sigh...Joke gone bad, in some ways. I'm such an idiot x.x Old bad habits coming back...ended up upsetting him. Stupid, stupid me. D;

...I really realize now how much the past has...scarred me. Impacted. I feel so paranoid about everything...always so worried about screwing up. =/ Reminded me of those times he always blew up on me for taking things too seriously...like that one time with Anthony's cousin, or those other times I tried to talk to him. I'm used to blaming myself. Being blamed. Feeling guilty. So much that either way I feel horrible, whether he admits its my fault or not.

When Nubcake actually cared that night...honestly didn't know whether I should tell him not to worry so much, or that...just...

My silly selfish senses are glad that in a way he...thinks like that. Worries about his actions. Maybe 'worry' is the wrong word...moreso just cares. I like it. Because it feels so new to me, but most importantly it shows he cares about me. Sadly I've never felt that way before. Everything feels so new to me. It hasn't clicked in yet, feels almost too good to be true. He has no idea how much it means to me...really. Made me jerk a few tears when he said it. >.> But yeah. And he worries about me ever leaving him? Not being good enough? Doris was right. I really am lucky to have the most caring guy ^^

I will keep moving on. I've already moved on from most things, I've already let go long ago. I'll never be able to forget, but at least I won't feel like that self of mine anymore. At least I'm not alone now. Finally have something to hold onto...that I can trust without worrying. Something that I know is mine.

Dammit its 8:20 already D: Early rise and shine tomorrow. And then debate. Eughh, so nervous. Wish Nubcake could be there again x.x At least he can calm me down D:

Next week will be amazing. New Brunswick's finally coming over, after waiting for so long ;o Gonna be interesting. Gotta find time/ways to camp out at Amelias often. AND we gotta finish watching V for Vendetta ;o !!! Gotta remind myself to remind Reeves to bring it over when he comes x.x And Thomas (: And definitely gonna try to spend more time with Emily too ^^ can't waaiittt~

As for now, just getting through each day. Tomorrow debate. Thursday visiting Forest. Friday making lasagna with Tess (: Sat is dance + hangout ♥ Nate's leading worship. Which will be odd as heck. Kinda worried. Worried what my reaction will be. What will happen. How it will turn out. I'm curious to see if he'll even send me the email. Considering we blocked each other. Hah.

And then sunday is just sunday. Good thing is I get to see him ^^ Sad thing is he can't stay, and there just never is enough free time. And then it feels as if it goes by quickly...it does go by so quickly. And this week is probably joint service. Hope not, but probably is. =/

Sigh...weeks feel so long and tiring and stressful. Keep having these moments where I just really want Nubcake with me and just hug him really really tight and let go of all my stress D: Wish we could have that free time in the summer again, just go to the park and relax, sleep, etc ...

Hey, at least the daydreams are one of the only thing that I can look forward to in school >.>

Speaking of which...Nubcake, if you're reading this,

WE BOUGHT THE HOUSE !!! :D

Moving as soon as we can sell our house xD Who knows how long that'll take -.-'' But hey, at least we'll finally be able to go JOGGING more often ! :3 It'll be so epic @_@ Can actually see you more easily now ;o Only thing is, if we're around the neighbourhood, we'll have a higher chance of getting caught by my rents D; Not good ~ High risk zone ftl. >.>

SO WISH I get a chance to sneak you in sometime after we move ;o Definitely gotta show you sometime ^^

But yeah. Work work time D: Ga-yow with school, mmkay? I'll pray for you and your mom (: HAVE FAITH ! I love you <3