Quick going over today...
Church. Scared me at first, didn't see Nubcake when I got there. Dad was outside too x.x Was worried he wouldn't show up, but then he did (: Wanted to give him a big hug and just have a chance to talk to him D: Missed him so much. Still do, I hate abrupt goodbyes. =/ Nate kept throwing me dirty looks for some reason, pissed me off pretty badly. Made a really long prayer...God, please just take these wounds that I've tried to cover up the past year and tear them open. Let them hurt and run and run until all the pain runs out and help me heal. I know I can.
Singspiration...lmao. Auntie Wendy...felt like she had this watchful eye on us, the kinda sketchy feeling where I think she's thinking something >.> REALLY felt like it, hmmm...Argh. Whatever. Tried to be on my best behavior. x.x
Sunday school was good?...I really like Uncle Frank's teaching, tbh. He really gets down to reality. Kinda like Heidi used to. But his is more...REALLY dealing with real life issues. Just hope the class can start to connect with each other more, and open up to each other. In a way...I feel like this is what Jr/Praylude's purpose was, and how SNA should be. [SNA...will get to that later >.>] But yeah. I really have a lot of respect for him. Probably one of my favorite teachers. Like Heidi.
SNA...oh boy. I feel like...Pastor John's teaching isn't really...practical? Relating to modern society? And I think, especially with this current topic, needs to pay more attention to the comfort level of everyone and be really careful with how he applies it. With this kind of thing...Mmm, I guess I'm thinking back to the Roycey incident in the summer. His approach to it was...quite inconsiderate of feelings. =/ Blah. Hopefully some things don't repeat itself.
Anyways...today. x.x So all three of my rooms were a no-go. Wow. First that's ever happened. Dx Chose a room near ours that was usually quite obsolete...turns out it was the ONE ROOM we'd be super unlucky in. >.> [Will get to, later.] Was really nervous...partially cuz of, yeah. >.> Putting things into practice is a lot harder T.T Feel so bad I hurt him...argh. x.x Really need to be more careful next time. Tbh...couldn't really relax either D: Kept having that other sense paying attention to the door.
He did a good job though xD The positions...interesting. :P For some reason...why did it seem like 4th base stuff? >.> Hmm...I'll admit, scared me for a minute ;o Thought he went in...but I know he didn't ^^; Trust. ;o Was fun though, naturally riding. :3 Felt him holding back a bit today though, (which he soon told me later). He hasn't hurt me. I anticipated it would, a little, but turns out it didn't. Good to know ^^; But hmm...bitter? o-o Not really sure what affects MY taste...o_o. But mmm...definitely was really...turned on. >.> GAHH MIND IN GUTTER. D;
And then.
The door opened.
FFS.
The most embaressing moment of my life. Didn't even have pants on. >.> ARGH. CAUGHT.
Feel bad for the teacher though ^^; What would he have thought...D: (I'm always worried about what people THINK, argh. x.x) But in a way, we're SO lucky it wasn't someone from church. Someone we knew. Freaking out...still feel so bad. x.x Not exactly how I wanted to spend the last hangout. >.> Blah. Guess its a sign. Dx

Anyways. Thats the day for you.

Oh and, note to self: Learn better next time. D: Still aiming to become better at it...x.x I WANNA SATISFY HIM. T.T

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So, lesson learned. Probably the most...memorable one. D: Guess I'm through with doing things my own way. In a way, I'm kinda really doubtful on my own judgement now. >.> Its time to really follow through with my promise, and stop worming my way around. God really has interesting ways of teaching us lessons. I...argh. This really is one of those things that you can't get out of your mind. >< Ever.
But I guess...learned a lot of things about our relationship this past week. Some good, some bad. Some easier that others.
But I guess what it all really comes down to is: faith.
I found it...really ironic, the stone he gave me. I find he somehow always has perfect timing for these things. ;o
Faith...faith in him. Faith in myself. But most importantly, faith in GOD to be the guide in our relationship. God, not ourselves.
Feels like this whole week has been a faith test, or just to...teach me faith. After me doubting everyone for so long.
Faith in him, that he'll be there till the end and not give up. Not give up on me, on himself, on our future. Faith that he'll be faithful.
Faith in myself, that I CAN be the one for him, I CAN move on from all those painful things and trust in my future. Faith that I can change, that I won't be the person who keeps away those around her, but instead the person to let people in. To start trusting again. To stop being sensitive, and love and care for him more. To not hurt him again for my own silliness.
And lastly, faith in God that he will provide. That he'll carry us through whatever is to come. To lead us from temptation and all that the devil will put in our way to tear us apart.
Faith...
-sigh-
He always has something that really touches my heart. Keeps me in thought...heartwarming, I guess. Something always memorable.
Thanks Nubcake.
Thank you.

posted by Nubcakechan @ 2:46 PM