Alright so in summary, the past nights have been quite interestingly spent.
Never thought our convos would take this type of turn >.> Interesting...xD
Basically...really tried to open up our feelings towards this aspect :P Its a...really different sidetrack, I must say. xD But I'm glad we're open. (: Some couples really arent...and I'm glad to have him. ^^
Which I guess made things a lot easier.
Alright so today.
Went out with Foblet, walked out in the freezing -20 weather. Turns out both BBT's were closed -.- So we settled for Williams. Idiot us, ordered two large frozen drinks and an ice cream cheesecake. Ftw. :D
Waited 23 mins in the cold for the bus. Painful.
Told her about Nubcake. Told her the gist of who he is to me, etcetc. It was funny, she approved so easily :P Talking to her is so much easier than others ;o Hope she can find her guy soon. =/
Anyways. Got to Nubcake's place. Trying so hard...watching every aspect of myself to make a good impression, a good person for him. Never had this type of trouble before. x.x And I guess Aunty Juana was right...what he needs most is my support. Which I should keep sticking to, but I guess in order for me to fully do that, I need to watch MY own habits as well. If I'm going to make him eat properly, I gotta do so too. Will do, for him. (: Got pwned at bubble game >.> Why am I so challenged T.T Hmm...wonder what Roycey thought when Ryan made him go up. xD And yes, do need to find a better classroom. Dx
Okay...as for the uhm, main part. >.>
Was really nervous tbh. x.x Kept wondering what was on his mind since the beginning...didn't know what to expect. Everything feels so new to me for some odd reason Dx So so nervous...was anticipating when it'd start ;o Tried to lure him a little, guess it worked haha. But...hm. Wow. Didn't know I turned him on so easily either. :P Kekeke...
Noticed recently...his rawr has changed quite a bit ;o Especially since that first day. Hmm...for one, he seems much more confident haha. And...I dunno. Just...as if he's hinting/thinking about something while he is. Which of course, I found out later, was a lead on stimulator. lmao. Really had to question how he knew all this if it was his first...(which of course, I found out just tonight.)
Guess he didn't really do much teasing today :P Took me slightly by surprise. Just slightly. (and sheesh, theres really not much 'easier' I can get in regards to attire. >.> I pretty much only wear jeans in winter. xP - me sticking tongue out at choo-) And then, he went south. Took me REALLY by surprise how...well I guess, mostly how far/fast he went? xD Personal opinion...wasn't expecting him to go so far so soon. And I guess, a little too fast? Slow pace is nice. (:
Went south and...ate me out. >.> At first, was extremely wondering and slightly worried about what he was thinking. And what it was, for him. -.- Slightly embaressing when he made his little 'wet' comment. Its not something girls can control either, kay?! D: Tbh...not even the first...>.> (dont read this, pls kthxbai) Other than that, it was very distracting, hard to keep my mind straight. >.> He did a very good job, for first time. o-o and I guess in a way...
I could feel he...really thought about what he did. And that behind all this, he cared about how I felt. Which I guess was why this felt new, and felt so much...better? Ill admit I'm naturally differentiating between this and the dark past. Its so wierd that...he cares so much about me. And like I said...I can somehow...6th sense it? Behind everything he does.
Often times I'm scared that...when any guy turns to this side of him, I completely lose him and can't recognize him. But I knew my Ryan was there. I could feel the thought he put into everything. That what really did matter most was my happiness. Its...touching to know, I guess (for lack of better phrasing)? But I guess now, makes me feel...lacking. I want to make him happy and stimulate him too. (Yes I said both.) D:
Slowly learning everything...really pushing my mind to speed-learn everything he's teaching me. (And to learn it well, of course). I feel like such a noob Dx Its embaressing. I guess...when it comes to this stuff, I'm not exactly the expert or genious. >.> For once creativity gets difficult, as I usually restrict my mind and self from going down that path. >.> Self control, y'know? (No I'm not saying you have none, silly :P Just as a girl, its what I'm used to ^^; We control ourselves a bit easier :P) And like he said, theres just more a guy can do for a girl. Sheesh. D:
HJ...still learning. >.> I find myself scared of hurting him. x.x LOL, funny stories about Sarah. :P No comment. But yeah...I wish I could learn better dammit. -.- I guess he just has to...somehow let me know more what he prefers? And as for BJ...lmao, NOW I feel like a Landon. But yeah, I see her perspective. It wasn't that she was scared or didn't want to. She didn't know how. >.> And like I said...its nerves, but mostly nerves because I dont know what he prefers. I just want it...to satisfy him. >.>
(Wow I am saying a crapload of stuff I usually shut and push back into the far ends of my mind never to be brought up ever.)
There was one point...where we just laid there for a while. I had my arm around him and I was resting on his...it just felt so comfortable. Reminds me of when I was little...that one point in time where I had a really hard time sleeping, and everytime I managed, I'd have nightmares. So I always called mom or dad to come and sleep beside me. Felt...safe. But this was...safe comfy, haha. Just felt...right. Felt like I was in the right place. Like back then when those times we hugged, I felt like I fit there. (Never told him this, it was too odd to bring up >.>) But...kinda like (8) right where yours fit perfectly...type of thing? Couldn't get that feeling out of my head for a long time...it was really nice. @_@ Still can't.
Got on top of him after that :P Pinned him down, attacked him, and gave him a hickie :3 In all honesty (I SWEAR), at first I was just teasing :P Really didn't think it'd leave a mark, but then I decided to might as well just go in for it xD Turns out it DID leave quite a mark...in a place where he's having a LOT of trouble hiding. Kekeke...whoops. :3 At least now the world will know he's mine. :D
Okay back to details.
-shudder-
Mmm...like said, really good at what he does. @_@ Sensitive spots...north, he definitely got that one >.> Ears, he didn't go for. Kinda surprised? Neck...haha. he noticed that was a big one for me. >.> Back...yup. Arms...surprisingly yes. I dont know if everything is more for me because I'm so ticklish? That I'm more sensitive? Wierd. Kiss yes...but tbh I find I'm rather picky towards that one, for it to be a stimulator. :P South...well, took him a while but he found the two. >.> tbh, he found it long before he realized he did, doesn't have to be EXACT, I still feel it. >.> Was really surprised how my body reacted to that one...was expecting it at some point but not at the time, not that soon ;o Wierd. And sure, as a sidenote to what he said, I guess its kinda like 4th? o-o But not going to go into that atm. And yes, it felt really nice. @_@ He has no idea. Feeling...kinda like burning aching for him. For more. x.x (I really hope he doesn't think bad of me for this)
I was really surprised he asked me if he was 'better in bed' than him. :P Guy pride thing, hm? Interesting. But yes, there's no competition (and I'm not just saying x.x). Just for the record, I didn't like it before. At all. I felt used, and manipulated...and just...a tool. He didn't listen when I constantly said stop. When I said he was hurting me. When I said I didn't want to. When I worried, he shunned it off. Nubcake isn't like that. He cares. Which is why everything not only feels so much differently to me emotionally, but physically as well. I wonder if he notices, or is doing it on purpose - that I can feel him caring in what he does. So yes silly, you are much better. ^^
As for the hardest part...is just watching him go all out just to satisfy me, to make me happy. And it just...burns, kills, that I'm not nearly as experienced and can't stimulate him the way he does for me. x.x I want it to be equal...I want him 'satisfied' the same way. Its...I don't even know how to put it into words. Its somewhat unbearable at times, mmkay? Really wanna change that. D: I dont wanna be the one that 'doesn't know'. I wanna give back the same...>.> Sigh...just dunno. More trial and error? The hardest thing is feeling like a failure. T.T At times, the more I fail, the more I feel like I can't, that theres something wrong with me. x.x I guess this is the hardest part to it all, the hardest part to bear. I just wanna be equal, mkay? D:
I wonder how detailed that is. Its quite long, really dont wanna scroll up and reread + check -.- If he has any questions, he can ask me. ^^;
Went to Michaels (love that place) after, got some ideas, saw some ideas ;o Really wish I could've carried out that cottage plan >.> Oh well, maybe one day in the distant future when we live together and I have time + space to work on that type of thing ;o Basically...just wanted something to give him the "home" feeling. With me there. Something to turn his mind + heart to, after a long weary day. Just a bit of comfort. (:
Went home, ate, had the wedding ;o The whole time, really wanted it to be real T.T SO looking forward to that future...Gotta give him some pointers for when that day comes though :3 aka, NO FOREPLAY BEFORE THE WEDDING. IT WILL KNOCK HIM OUT >.> As well as making sure he knows where the ring is, what to do, etcetc :P haha, just kidding. It was funny watching him go through it xD Funny how I know all this about weddings. o_O Dunno where THAT came from. But hmm...always wanted one. I remember the one time telling my parents I couldn't wait till I got married xD Hey, they promised me a VERY lavishing one ;) "as long as you find the right person at the right time" *rolls eyes* I'll let them know, one day. That I found 'the one' long ago, and was just waiting for the day ever since. >.> (8) Dun, dun, dun dunnn.... -insert wedding march here-
@_@
Lastly, gave him the thing. What he said? :
"You have no idea how glad I am to have found you.
In a way its perfect for me to.
Its exactly what I was looking for."
Something along those lines.
Just made me feel so...happy and loved. So glad to finally be the one he's looking for, after wanting to be for so long. The past...always wanting to be, always trying to prove to be, always hinting at him that there WAS someone out there that could meet what he wanted. That could show him a real relationship that was true and worked. Guess I finally am that person. He finally found me. (:
Argh..cloud nine...
What else to say? ;o
Under covers safe and warm?
Lots of that today. ^^;
| What a day. >> Tuesday, December 29, 2009 |
| Self Rant. >> Monday, December 28, 2009 |
Yujie, you're an idiot.
You step out of the place you belong.
And try to merge where you don't.
And then great. Only to have reality eventually smack right up in your face that you don't belong there.
And then you try to turn around. Only to find theres no place there for you anymore.
So what now?
You don't belong anywhere.
How many times in the past has this happened?
Beyond what you can count.
Why are you such an idiot?
Why are you so retarded and naive and just plain stupid?
You constantly throw yourself into these situations. With high standards of expectancy.
And then you end up hurt. Because it turned out negatively.
Because you were dumb in the first place.
You DONT belong here. Stop lying to yourself.
Even when he once convinced you that there was a place you did belong,
turns out he only lied.
Isn't this telling you enough already?
Yet again, more stupidity.
Why can't you just stay put?
Stop stepping outside of the box.
Just stay.
And wait.
You step out of the place you belong.
And try to merge where you don't.
And then great. Only to have reality eventually smack right up in your face that you don't belong there.
And then you try to turn around. Only to find theres no place there for you anymore.
So what now?
You don't belong anywhere.
How many times in the past has this happened?
Beyond what you can count.
Why are you such an idiot?
Why are you so retarded and naive and just plain stupid?
You constantly throw yourself into these situations. With high standards of expectancy.
And then you end up hurt. Because it turned out negatively.
Because you were dumb in the first place.
You DONT belong here. Stop lying to yourself.
Even when he once convinced you that there was a place you did belong,
turns out he only lied.
Isn't this telling you enough already?
Yet again, more stupidity.
Why can't you just stay put?
Stop stepping outside of the box.
Just stay.
And wait.
| Oh December, where did you go? >> Friday, December 25, 2009 |
Christmas is gone so soon. Feels like yesterday we were at our playground laughing, relaxing, and snoozing. Like yesterday, stressing over school missing each other. Like yesterday, dying for the last week of school to pass before holidays. But nope, Christmas day is over already. Now the countdown begins, again.
Guess its just me tonight. Its wierd staying on without him. Not really used to it, I guess. Time goes fast and easy when he is here. Feels kinda lost when he isnt. Wierd.
Wonder if he's asleep already...wonder what he's dreaming tonight :3
Slept through most of the day today. Woke up at 3pm, got rushed to church. Never even saw Christmas daylight =/ Definitely feels wasted. Hopefully going shopping with dad tomorrow. Doubt Angela's around, probably spending holidays with her huge laos family >.> Em's gone back to Barrie, probably the last people I'll see this Christmas. Sucks this year, nothing fun =/ Can't even have parties.
So I'm gonna have to say the most interesting part of my day was reading Nubcake's blog :3 Ill admit, had to laugh at his silliness a little :P But I'm sure he got so many more laughs at me last night >.> NOTE TO SELF: Never stay up late talking to my Nubcake, with lots of embaressing secrets while he has a crapload of wishes. >.>
Still thinking about Tuesday...can't really get it off my mind. ^^; Tbh I'm still quite surprised. Definitely didn't see this coming anytime soon. The most of me is quite...happy, I guess? haha :3 But there is a tiny tiny part of me that worries a little. Mostly...I just don't want to take this too far, or...mostly just scared of a relationship that turns into one based on physical love. =/ Its definitely a very very small worry, because I know he'd never pull a him on me. He's not like that, and wouldn't ever use me. But its just my subconcious mind pulling back memories. A small reminder. But like I said, just a small thing. I don't worry about it much. I trust him. A lot. (:
Sigh...he's so silly, why does he worry about keeping me happy, or satisfying me? Guess he's still biased towards girls D: I'm not...I don't even know how to say it. He keeps me happy no matter what. Everything he does satisfies me, so I don't really see what he has to worry about. Silly Nubcake. And I still say no, girls are always worried about rejection. >.> Its natural D: Why else do we always worry over our image? Our body? The things we do and how well we do them? Argh...all because GUYS are the ones never satisfied...the girl just always has to keep up with the guy's needs. So much pressure on the girl to have to 'satisfy' the guy enough. >.> Sheesh. And just for the record to keep his silly mind from constantly worrying over unnecessary things, I do want it.
And I do wonder what exactly were the questions he had that I confirmed for him? I know I answered quite a few last night. Just curious as to what were the important ones he wanted confirmed?...:o
(I'm too intrigued by his thinking/mind. Its so interesting @_@ WAHH NUBCAKE DO YOU THINK I'M WIERD? WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME? T.T)
Trying his damn hardest not to be stereotypical guy...but "you know"?? What did he mean by that? Hmm...must get answer. >.>
Really wonder as to what this xmas surprise is that he has for me ;o Im very curious...especially if he sounded so sure that it was something I'd like (which I definitely would, but it peaks my interest that it would be something he thinks is definite ;o) Waahh so curious...T.T Hmm...something that one would expect to find in P-Mall. Curious curious curious.
Almost done his last present too ;o Second half didn't work out exactly as I wanted it to (ran outta room x.x), but overall it turned out quite decently (: Really hope he likes it D: Looks quite complex and epic when I see the constructs of it ;o
Last thing I noticed just now...
So last Tuesday just happened to be December the 22nd. Second day of the week, 22nd day of the month.
And NOW, the "next day" so spoken of (or, the next big 'hangout') is on next tuesday. At first I knew it definitely wasn't another 2, but I had a feeling there was something odd about that date...
Checked my calendar. Noticed it was the 29th.
Delayed reaction. But quite a big one. ;o
Awe, if he was here right now, I'd so throw a YAYFTW spazz ;o
So hax @_@ ITS A SIGN. x3
Guess we'll be, uhm, celebrating 5th then. (: It IS a special date o:
(8) I think of you and everything's okay...
Just thinking about everything makes me happier. ^^ Love really does do wierd things to people. Like Matt (diff matt), how his mom commented Polly really had a big influence on him. Pulling him out of his prolonged depression. And I guess Nubcake really is my sun now (as I always referred to him as, before, to myself ;o).
Wish he was here right now...miss him a lot. Under covers safe and warm...?! :3 Mmmm....silly thought, but sometimes I'd think of him like a teddy bear >.> Like that one dream, take him with me when I sleep and just hold him and squish him in my arms :3 Reminds me of the comment he made the other day...about the ostridge. "My bed is where you'll be sleeping too xP" Buaha. :3
Oh future, if holidays have to go by so quickly, do you mind arriving a bit faster too? T.T
3 more days. ~
Guess its just me tonight. Its wierd staying on without him. Not really used to it, I guess. Time goes fast and easy when he is here. Feels kinda lost when he isnt. Wierd.
Wonder if he's asleep already...wonder what he's dreaming tonight :3
Slept through most of the day today. Woke up at 3pm, got rushed to church. Never even saw Christmas daylight =/ Definitely feels wasted. Hopefully going shopping with dad tomorrow. Doubt Angela's around, probably spending holidays with her huge laos family >.> Em's gone back to Barrie, probably the last people I'll see this Christmas. Sucks this year, nothing fun =/ Can't even have parties.
So I'm gonna have to say the most interesting part of my day was reading Nubcake's blog :3 Ill admit, had to laugh at his silliness a little :P But I'm sure he got so many more laughs at me last night >.> NOTE TO SELF: Never stay up late talking to my Nubcake, with lots of embaressing secrets while he has a crapload of wishes. >.>
Still thinking about Tuesday...can't really get it off my mind. ^^; Tbh I'm still quite surprised. Definitely didn't see this coming anytime soon. The most of me is quite...happy, I guess? haha :3 But there is a tiny tiny part of me that worries a little. Mostly...I just don't want to take this too far, or...mostly just scared of a relationship that turns into one based on physical love. =/ Its definitely a very very small worry, because I know he'd never pull a him on me. He's not like that, and wouldn't ever use me. But its just my subconcious mind pulling back memories. A small reminder. But like I said, just a small thing. I don't worry about it much. I trust him. A lot. (:
Sigh...he's so silly, why does he worry about keeping me happy, or satisfying me? Guess he's still biased towards girls D: I'm not...I don't even know how to say it. He keeps me happy no matter what. Everything he does satisfies me, so I don't really see what he has to worry about. Silly Nubcake. And I still say no, girls are always worried about rejection. >.> Its natural D: Why else do we always worry over our image? Our body? The things we do and how well we do them? Argh...all because GUYS are the ones never satisfied...the girl just always has to keep up with the guy's needs. So much pressure on the girl to have to 'satisfy' the guy enough. >.> Sheesh. And just for the record to keep his silly mind from constantly worrying over unnecessary things, I do want it.
And I do wonder what exactly were the questions he had that I confirmed for him? I know I answered quite a few last night. Just curious as to what were the important ones he wanted confirmed?...:o
(I'm too intrigued by his thinking/mind. Its so interesting @_@ WAHH NUBCAKE DO YOU THINK I'M WIERD? WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME? T.T)
Trying his damn hardest not to be stereotypical guy...but "you know"?? What did he mean by that? Hmm...must get answer. >.>
Really wonder as to what this xmas surprise is that he has for me ;o Im very curious...especially if he sounded so sure that it was something I'd like (which I definitely would, but it peaks my interest that it would be something he thinks is definite ;o) Waahh so curious...T.T Hmm...something that one would expect to find in P-Mall. Curious curious curious.
Almost done his last present too ;o Second half didn't work out exactly as I wanted it to (ran outta room x.x), but overall it turned out quite decently (: Really hope he likes it D: Looks quite complex and epic when I see the constructs of it ;o
Last thing I noticed just now...
So last Tuesday just happened to be December the 22nd. Second day of the week, 22nd day of the month.
And NOW, the "next day" so spoken of (or, the next big 'hangout') is on next tuesday. At first I knew it definitely wasn't another 2, but I had a feeling there was something odd about that date...
Checked my calendar. Noticed it was the 29th.
Delayed reaction. But quite a big one. ;o
Awe, if he was here right now, I'd so throw a YAYFTW spazz ;o
So hax @_@ ITS A SIGN. x3
Guess we'll be, uhm, celebrating 5th then. (: It IS a special date o:
(8) I think of you and everything's okay...
Just thinking about everything makes me happier. ^^ Love really does do wierd things to people. Like Matt (diff matt), how his mom commented Polly really had a big influence on him. Pulling him out of his prolonged depression. And I guess Nubcake really is my sun now (as I always referred to him as, before, to myself ;o).
Wish he was here right now...miss him a lot. Under covers safe and warm...?! :3 Mmmm....silly thought, but sometimes I'd think of him like a teddy bear >.> Like that one dream, take him with me when I sleep and just hold him and squish him in my arms :3 Reminds me of the comment he made the other day...about the ostridge. "My bed is where you'll be sleeping too xP" Buaha. :3
Oh future, if holidays have to go by so quickly, do you mind arriving a bit faster too? T.T
3 more days. ~
| Last two days. >> |
| Dec 22nd... >> Wednesday, December 23, 2009 |
Managed to sneak out and head to Nubcake's yesterday ;o Zehrs, car racing (won 2nd ! FTW.), and that bubble game I always loved when I was little but never could play ;o Pizza and watched digimon movie...time actually went by quite fast. I remember him running downstairs "ITS ALREADY 12:40! D:" Scared me x.x
After movie...fell asleep with him for a little bit ;o Very comfy as usual :3 Kept wondering...was Roycey there at that time? Haha...wonder how sketch it would've looked xD
Hmm...lying on his chest and hearing his heart beat VERY FAST ;o Wonder EXACTLY what he was thinking that time :3 Got him cornered, tickle attack ;o Couldn't even escape, buahaha ~
And then he REALLY took me by surprise. o-o At first I legit thought he was just teasing. Didn't even know what to answer him, didn't wanna make myself look like an idiot if he was only teasing >.> I know what he means now by worrying he'll scare me away. I was worried silly wondering what his reaction would be...;o I chickened out in the end xD But now that I know...now that he TOLD me...
After movie...fell asleep with him for a little bit ;o Very comfy as usual :3 Kept wondering...was Roycey there at that time? Haha...wonder how sketch it would've looked xD
Hmm...lying on his chest and hearing his heart beat VERY FAST ;o Wonder EXACTLY what he was thinking that time :3 Got him cornered, tickle attack ;o Couldn't even escape, buahaha ~
And then he REALLY took me by surprise. o-o At first I legit thought he was just teasing. Didn't even know what to answer him, didn't wanna make myself look like an idiot if he was only teasing >.> I know what he means now by worrying he'll scare me away. I was worried silly wondering what his reaction would be...;o I chickened out in the end xD But now that I know...now that he TOLD me...
And now when I really think about it...he's always so scared of scaring me away. But...reality is he cares so much. Guys pretty much never do...sometimes not even considering the girl's protests =/ Brings back thoughts that just pisses me off more x.x Eugh. But yeah. He cares so much. Sometimes I don't even think I deserve it. But yes, I'm very happy. (: He probably doesn't even know it, either. I don't feel scared of him. I can't imagine why I ever would. (Unless he turned into him suddenly >.>) Its more the exact opposite. Simply, I feel safe. (:
And yes, very hax how it just happened to be the 22nd. xD Really wonder what'll happen on the next "2"...:3 Hmmm, guess I'll have to wait and find out ;o Kekeke...still remembering that one thing he said...:P (gory details removed :3)
GAH I HATE WHEN I LOSE A TRAIN OF THOUGHT WHEN CONTINUING A POST. -.-
Anyways....a very epic day :3 Mostly now...just wishing he can really understand that he can't scare me away x.x Then again, its more of a feeling, not just words. I guess he can't really fully know. But GAH. But hey, even if he does fear it, clearly he knows to overcome his fears :3 still never did tell him what I was thinking at the time, haha. (btw, this is one of those questions I wont answer :P)
Blahh. Its 3am. Losing coherency. Wishing really bad he was here right now (very good sleep ;o). Which somehow reminded me of the...uhm, interesting dream from last night. x3 I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms x.x Eughh. Miss him very much already Dx Havent survived a weekend without him there in a while...oh joy. x_x Considering he'll be there, too. Guess I'm skipping sunday movie then. Ghey. -.-'' Can't wait to see my Nubcake again...
5 more days. ♥
| Future... >> Monday, December 21, 2009 |
Weekend...very...interesting. :P
Was so frustrated on saturday x.x Had a fight with parents and then just didn't feel like myself anymore...so dead and fed up with everything. So scared I'd flip out at him, didn't feel like myself at all. At least with him, I'm aware of myself. Scary to think that with others, I'm not even aware. Found an interesting cure for it though...sleep ;o Dunno if its just with him there, or in general. But hmm...he makes a very good pillow :3 Heard him talking while I was asleep...really wonder what he said, couldn't hear most of it clearly :( But I heard he loved me. (: Felt so...comfy, safe, warm, at peace, loved...makes me wish the future would come sooner.
Also got time together on sunday too ^^ Wondered so hard what he was looking for, to be 'creative' >.> Managed to turn the tables around in the end :3 I guess you could say thats one of my definitions of creativity, haha. It was one of those moments where time just seemed to pass by slowly, that each moment could be fully enjoyed (: And silly him, still scared of scaring me away. How far must a person go to prove oneself? x.x But lmao, legitimately the first guy to worry about THAT ;o Not that its a bad thing ^^ I dont like guys who don't think, but he has nothing to worry about. ^^;
Saw the future a lot too...imagined life with him. In a way its wierd, I've never imagined something without actually seeing any details...but thats a good thing. I'm not setting any specifics for the future. I'm happy with what I get, as long as he's in the picture too. I hope my silly 'dream home' fantasies don't start pressuring him though x.x They're just fantasies. Who wouldn't love to have the perfect home, the perfect everything, the way they want it? But its all materialistic, and I wouldn't ever put it before our relationship. I hope he knows that. I'm not expecting extraordinary things. I'm not even the type to rely on the guy for everything. I look to providing myself, and including him in. I don't want pressure on him, so its not something he should be worrying about. Silly nubcake. (:
But future also has its worries...funny how both my dad and Nubcake mentioned my crappy health risking my future in...that sense. x.x Just had to be the guys to bring it up, too. -rolls eyes-. But...I've never really considered that much. In a way, my medical conditions I always just lived to accept it. Its always been genetics, and I overlook it, as if I was still normal like everyone else. And why shouldn't I be? In a way I guess I should have been more careful. In some ways, I was the opposite of Nate. He goes on and exaggerates how he won't have a future, how he's going to die, bla bla bla. And me, I overlook it and go out to do whatever I want. I really should be more careful and realistic Dx This past few days was like a wakeup call. The first slap in the face of reality I've ever had in regards to this. Never before have I wanted my future in that way so badly. In simple terms...I want a family. >.> I want to be normal...and healthy. D; Not just for that, but so I'm not dragging down Nubcake as well...I don't want to be the one he always has to go through the trouble to look after. The one he's always worrying about, stressing about. Sometimes I finally see why my mom is so cold towards me. And at times I feel guilty, and I know I'd never want to make the same mistakes and cause just as much trouble for Nubcake. So its time for change.
Wow. For the first time ever, I'm actually going to have legit New Years Resolutions. Argh. x.x
But yes, future future future. The main thing I'm aiming for now. (:
| XMAS XMAS XMAS XMAS XMAS :D >> Friday, December 18, 2009 |
HAAPPPYYY HOOLLIIIDDAAYYSS ~~~
Day felt like it went by so slowly at school x_x Was waiting for Nubcake the whole day...wondering how his night went last night. Only to find out he didn't even have a nights sleep at all =.=''
To my slight disappointment he didn't show up during math ;o Had my eyes on the clock + door the whole time, even went out for a bit to check Dx But then he showed up, which is good ^^ Walked through the halls, got caught by some people >.> Wonder what Tess and Geeta will say when we get back...^^; Also laugh at how Herie didn't notice...I think. Qunhao GUESSED, but wasn't sure. Anton knows for sure now =.='' Laura and David...probably. And Kerri, probably too XD
Gave Fishy the present to give to him. Feel kinda bad that I won't let him open it, but I don't wanna defeat the other half's purpose D: Wish I could finish it faster x.x Still need those pics. Note to self: BRING CAMERA TOMORROW.
Went to UW plaza, ended up going to Mikey's. Saw Auntie Milly and Uncle Steve (Caught! Dx), felt so awkward and worried about being snitched on...x-x Reminder: Owe him two hamburgers ;o It was very cold outside, went back and took the wrong bus to Fishy's. Had to walk back, wait in the freezing cold, and finally got there. Played cards, foosball, and PWNED HIM 4-1 at Ping Pong :3
Being with him...just felt like being 'at home' again. I guess I missed him too much, having him there almost felt unreal. But I was very happy (: Find myself overdosing on teasing him too o-o Must be the constant making fun of people at school rubbing off a little too much ^^; (No silly, I wouldn't actually recycle you) Was wondering all day how/when I was to 'return' the favor >.> I wonder if he was referring to me forgetting that on the bus? Hmm...never did find out. I managed to, a little, at the end :P But...hmm, I didn't do it with that intention, so does it count? ;o
Very true...it still hasn't clicked in yet that its holiday...so wierd ;o Doesn't feel like Christmas at all. ZOMG probably won't be having a tree this year either :( Cuz of stupid selling the house. Sigh...
REALLY hoping I'll be able to spend LOTS of time with him this next 2 weeks...fingers crossed. Getting around will be pretty difficult, but manageable I think. Feels like I've had so little chance to be with him last few, so really hoping to do so as much as I can before I have to face January. x.x Exams...-shudder- Gonna need to 'stock up' on as much as I can to prepare for that dreadful time >.>
One last side note: Guess Leon wasn't mad/awkward at me after all ;o YAY (: Good way to start the holidays ^^
CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW ~
Day felt like it went by so slowly at school x_x Was waiting for Nubcake the whole day...wondering how his night went last night. Only to find out he didn't even have a nights sleep at all =.=''
To my slight disappointment he didn't show up during math ;o Had my eyes on the clock + door the whole time, even went out for a bit to check Dx But then he showed up, which is good ^^ Walked through the halls, got caught by some people >.> Wonder what Tess and Geeta will say when we get back...^^; Also laugh at how Herie didn't notice...I think. Qunhao GUESSED, but wasn't sure. Anton knows for sure now =.='' Laura and David...probably. And Kerri, probably too XD
Gave Fishy the present to give to him. Feel kinda bad that I won't let him open it, but I don't wanna defeat the other half's purpose D: Wish I could finish it faster x.x Still need those pics. Note to self: BRING CAMERA TOMORROW.
Went to UW plaza, ended up going to Mikey's. Saw Auntie Milly and Uncle Steve (Caught! Dx), felt so awkward and worried about being snitched on...x-x Reminder: Owe him two hamburgers ;o It was very cold outside, went back and took the wrong bus to Fishy's. Had to walk back, wait in the freezing cold, and finally got there. Played cards, foosball, and PWNED HIM 4-1 at Ping Pong :3
Being with him...just felt like being 'at home' again. I guess I missed him too much, having him there almost felt unreal. But I was very happy (: Find myself overdosing on teasing him too o-o Must be the constant making fun of people at school rubbing off a little too much ^^; (No silly, I wouldn't actually recycle you) Was wondering all day how/when I was to 'return' the favor >.> I wonder if he was referring to me forgetting that on the bus? Hmm...never did find out. I managed to, a little, at the end :P But...hmm, I didn't do it with that intention, so does it count? ;o
Very true...it still hasn't clicked in yet that its holiday...so wierd ;o Doesn't feel like Christmas at all. ZOMG probably won't be having a tree this year either :( Cuz of stupid selling the house. Sigh...
REALLY hoping I'll be able to spend LOTS of time with him this next 2 weeks...fingers crossed. Getting around will be pretty difficult, but manageable I think. Feels like I've had so little chance to be with him last few, so really hoping to do so as much as I can before I have to face January. x.x Exams...-shudder- Gonna need to 'stock up' on as much as I can to prepare for that dreadful time >.>
One last side note: Guess Leon wasn't mad/awkward at me after all ;o YAY (: Good way to start the holidays ^^
CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW ~
| Impatient. >> Tuesday, December 15, 2009 |
The last week is hardest to get through, out of anything.
Mornings I wake up and wish I never have to get up. Imagining the rest of the day ahead is horrifying. Feels as if I'm slowly letting go, although not knowing of what.
School progress is getting worse and worse. Sleeping less and less. Can never stay awake anymore, let alone think. Slacking off, grades dropping...seeing the 52 on the assignment today was...bad. x.x
And just becoming less and less myself. Not talking much anymore. Not trying anymore. Completely strayed away from all the friends I had before and just socially removing myself from everything and everyone.
Wtf is wrong with me. x.x
Maybe its the winter. Maybe its the stress. Maybe the amount of sleep I'm not getting.
Or maybe I'm just missing him too much.
I don't know. I wish I could be like last year again. I wish I didn't hate school so much.
Having to last 3 more days has never sounded so torturous.
Nubcake...I need you T.T
Mornings I wake up and wish I never have to get up. Imagining the rest of the day ahead is horrifying. Feels as if I'm slowly letting go, although not knowing of what.
School progress is getting worse and worse. Sleeping less and less. Can never stay awake anymore, let alone think. Slacking off, grades dropping...seeing the 52 on the assignment today was...bad. x.x
And just becoming less and less myself. Not talking much anymore. Not trying anymore. Completely strayed away from all the friends I had before and just socially removing myself from everything and everyone.
Wtf is wrong with me. x.x
Maybe its the winter. Maybe its the stress. Maybe the amount of sleep I'm not getting.
Or maybe I'm just missing him too much.
I don't know. I wish I could be like last year again. I wish I didn't hate school so much.
Having to last 3 more days has never sounded so torturous.
Nubcake...I need you T.T
| Fml. >> Saturday, December 12, 2009 |
| How would I be the same, without you? >> Friday, December 11, 2009 |
♫ I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing
That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"
Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Never the same without you. So let's stay as two, where you're meant for me and I for you. (:
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing
That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"
Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Never the same without you. So let's stay as two, where you're meant for me and I for you. (:
| Sigh. >> Thursday, December 10, 2009 |
You silly Nub.
I know you're here.
And I know you worry about me.
Which is why I dont want to tell you without time for explanation.
I know you're here for me. Don't misinterpret what I say.
This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you.
You're upset.
Theres a lot of explanation I need to tell you.
I just want to talk to you.
Like I said, I need you. Not that you're not here.
But I just need my nubcake to talk to about it...
sigh.
Just go get your work done and sleep.
Gnite my love.
♥
I know you're here.
And I know you worry about me.
Which is why I dont want to tell you without time for explanation.
I know you're here for me. Don't misinterpret what I say.
This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you.
You're upset.
Theres a lot of explanation I need to tell you.
I just want to talk to you.
Like I said, I need you. Not that you're not here.
But I just need my nubcake to talk to about it...
sigh.
Just go get your work done and sleep.
Gnite my love.
♥
| What lovely insight given to us by Aaron. >> Tuesday, December 8, 2009 |
So after some thinking...pointed out 4 main materialistic things on my mind.
1) Food
2) School
3) Sleep
4) Play
Yeah, the last one was...interesting. >.> And yes, there's a lot more. But I'm not going to go into details or I'd have a 2903849203840239482903482309 long list.
ANYWAYS.
So Aaron decided to give me a more "corrected" version. He said my lists weren't accurate enough, so he gave me this revised version:
1) Food - Nubcake
2) School - SJAM
3) Sleep - "Do you WANT me to go into details? :P"
4) Play - "Play", eh? WHOOHOO. ;)
1) Food
2) School
3) Sleep
4) Play
Yeah, the last one was...interesting. >.> And yes, there's a lot more. But I'm not going to go into details or I'd have a 2903849203840239482903482309 long list.
ANYWAYS.
So Aaron decided to give me a more "corrected" version. He said my lists weren't accurate enough, so he gave me this revised version:
1) Food - Nubcake
2) School - SJAM
3) Sleep - "Do you WANT me to go into details? :P"
4) Play - "Play", eh? WHOOHOO. ;)
| Self-Discipline. >> Monday, December 7, 2009 |
Made Nubcake promise me to get off distractions. In a way it was kinda disappointing...knowing I wasn't good enough as motivation Dx Really hoping he'll succeed this time...gave him a best advice I could (at the time, late at night >.>) But I believe in him (: I know he'll get over it.
So he isn't the only one on 'rehab'. Haha, well, I guess mine is more of a self-correction, motivation type of thing. Hard to explain. Its funny how I'm more aware of my actions now, and everything I do I ask myself: What would Nubcake think/say if he saw me? In a way its motivating myself to change some things about me. For once I'm doing the right thing. Its not easy, but makes me glad I know it. Also a bit of self-realization...
ahh...the power of love. x3
(Btw if you're wondering, don't ask. You wont get an answer. :3)
So he isn't the only one on 'rehab'. Haha, well, I guess mine is more of a self-correction, motivation type of thing. Hard to explain. Its funny how I'm more aware of my actions now, and everything I do I ask myself: What would Nubcake think/say if he saw me? In a way its motivating myself to change some things about me. For once I'm doing the right thing. Its not easy, but makes me glad I know it. Also a bit of self-realization...
ahh...the power of love. x3
(Btw if you're wondering, don't ask. You wont get an answer. :3)
| Phew. >> Saturday, December 5, 2009 |
Debate's finally over. Feels like these last two days went on for so long while I was there...but thinking back to it now can't believe its all over so quickly. Really fun times though ^^ Those three guys are hilarious. Oh boy. Felt so wierd though, spending two whole days with 3 guys. Two of them has had interest in me in the past. How did it manage to not be awkward? o_o Which was why I rejected the offer to do hwk in their room so they could help me. ._.
And lmao, idiots going out to pizza at 1am xD And then playing halo till 3. Typical guys.
Debate today...-sigh- Had a really good "high" friday night after that second killer debate where I pulled off a pwn and an 'amazing' from Leon ;o (Don't get that quite often). And so this morning went by really well, seeing as I've never done an impromptu before. Managed to be the strongest attacker in the room (not literally) despite my previous failures. Guess I am learning kinda fast. But then that last two...mind just couldn't process. Especially the last one. Felt like I seriously just had a breakdown...made a fool of myself. Thankfully Leon was there to back us up and support my speech. I wondered what he was thinking after that though. He actually sounded worried about me...which was wierd since he was always so mean and offensive >.> And then he just had his head on the desk and looked so dead. Hmm. Never seen that side of him before.
Talked a bit with Fishy, things are quite okay now, which is good. Apparently I have my first ever hater: His sister. In a way its kinda funny because I can perfectly see why she would hate me. After I started shunning her because she started creeping me (coming at me spazzing out over random things when I didn't even know her, texting me on Fishy's phone telling me who she was, throwing sassy attitude at me and Chrystalla). Wow, honestly. >.> If only she was a bit more humble like Davin or Fishy. =.='' But in a way it kinda hurts. Never had a hater before. Especially wierd, considering its THEIR sister. Even our dads get along well ._. And Davin, Fishy and I are all pretty close.
What a messed up world.
Back to debate. So Viv and Janelle actually did really good this whole thing ;o Better than we expected ^^ None of us ended up making semifinals, which kinda sucked D: It was all teams from the same two schoosl: Georgetown, Thornshill. x_x Oh well, I learned a lot. Speaking style changed a lot too. I felt so...disappointed in myself at the last debate though. Completely had a mind breakdown. Really wanted to do good...didn't wanna disappoint him. D: Just don't wanna feel like I'm being the pull-down...sigh. So we just sat there for a while. For a moment I felt like Nubcake was right beside me like on thursday and I really just wanted his comfort but then had to realize that it wasn't him. x-x Wanted really badly to go back for SNA just to...relighten my spirits but realized I couldnt. I dunno...just GOING to church makes me feel better. Being there. Gives me a sense of peace. Definitely a good thing. ^^ But since I couldn't, spent a couple hours frustrated at myself, then recomposed again after watching the other debates. They were quite funny, especially the Public Speaking rounds.
Overall, decent weekend. Tomorrow's sunday - Get to see my Nubcake (: Always feel like I miss him so much more when I've been gone somewhere...thank goodness this didn't take up the whole weekend. And now its 1am and I made a promise to my Nubcake for going to sleep. Much more to think about...much more to do. Aii~
And lmao, idiots going out to pizza at 1am xD And then playing halo till 3. Typical guys.
Debate today...-sigh- Had a really good "high" friday night after that second killer debate where I pulled off a pwn and an 'amazing' from Leon ;o (Don't get that quite often). And so this morning went by really well, seeing as I've never done an impromptu before. Managed to be the strongest attacker in the room (not literally) despite my previous failures. Guess I am learning kinda fast. But then that last two...mind just couldn't process. Especially the last one. Felt like I seriously just had a breakdown...made a fool of myself. Thankfully Leon was there to back us up and support my speech. I wondered what he was thinking after that though. He actually sounded worried about me...which was wierd since he was always so mean and offensive >.> And then he just had his head on the desk and looked so dead. Hmm. Never seen that side of him before.
Talked a bit with Fishy, things are quite okay now, which is good. Apparently I have my first ever hater: His sister. In a way its kinda funny because I can perfectly see why she would hate me. After I started shunning her because she started creeping me (coming at me spazzing out over random things when I didn't even know her, texting me on Fishy's phone telling me who she was, throwing sassy attitude at me and Chrystalla). Wow, honestly. >.> If only she was a bit more humble like Davin or Fishy. =.='' But in a way it kinda hurts. Never had a hater before. Especially wierd, considering its THEIR sister. Even our dads get along well ._. And Davin, Fishy and I are all pretty close.
What a messed up world.
Back to debate. So Viv and Janelle actually did really good this whole thing ;o Better than we expected ^^ None of us ended up making semifinals, which kinda sucked D: It was all teams from the same two schoosl: Georgetown, Thornshill. x_x Oh well, I learned a lot. Speaking style changed a lot too. I felt so...disappointed in myself at the last debate though. Completely had a mind breakdown. Really wanted to do good...didn't wanna disappoint him. D: Just don't wanna feel like I'm being the pull-down...sigh. So we just sat there for a while. For a moment I felt like Nubcake was right beside me like on thursday and I really just wanted his comfort but then had to realize that it wasn't him. x-x Wanted really badly to go back for SNA just to...relighten my spirits but realized I couldnt. I dunno...just GOING to church makes me feel better. Being there. Gives me a sense of peace. Definitely a good thing. ^^ But since I couldn't, spent a couple hours frustrated at myself, then recomposed again after watching the other debates. They were quite funny, especially the Public Speaking rounds.
Overall, decent weekend. Tomorrow's sunday - Get to see my Nubcake (: Always feel like I miss him so much more when I've been gone somewhere...thank goodness this didn't take up the whole weekend. And now its 1am and I made a promise to my Nubcake for going to sleep. Much more to think about...much more to do. Aii~
| Ditched?! >> Friday, December 4, 2009 |
In Toronto for debate. Day feels like its been so long...sigh. Quick post before I go to bed.
York is...intimidating. Some of these people are really amazing. But I'm learning a lot ^^; Hopefully I'll be much better at it when I get back for regionals/workshops. Aiming for provincials ;o
First debate...thought I was doing okay, until the analogy screwed me over x.x Feel horrible...costed the debate =/ But at least the second debate turned out AMAZING. Note to self: Work on road mapping. Shouldn't be too much of a problem though, just need to speak clearly rather than falling short from nerves ^^; But overall did better than I've ever done ;o Better than I'd expected. Hopefully tomorrow goes just as good.
And just hoping this'll strengthen partnership with Leon =/ Sometimes it feels iffy, as if Im not meeting expectations. But I guess its motivation, and it feels like its getting better and better. So yay. Food was good - got bloated again D: Reminded me of that last time, during summer. Came back from pizza and crashed at the playground xD Remember falling asleep with Nubcake beside me....had a very good dream :3 Went back to church and felt like poo. I acted like I was preggo xD
Ahh...good times. 2 more weeks till xmas. ^^
NUBCAKE JUST DITCHED ME ON MSN. LINDDAAA ~ T^T
York is...intimidating. Some of these people are really amazing. But I'm learning a lot ^^; Hopefully I'll be much better at it when I get back for regionals/workshops. Aiming for provincials ;o
First debate...thought I was doing okay, until the analogy screwed me over x.x Feel horrible...costed the debate =/ But at least the second debate turned out AMAZING. Note to self: Work on road mapping. Shouldn't be too much of a problem though, just need to speak clearly rather than falling short from nerves ^^; But overall did better than I've ever done ;o Better than I'd expected. Hopefully tomorrow goes just as good.
And just hoping this'll strengthen partnership with Leon =/ Sometimes it feels iffy, as if Im not meeting expectations. But I guess its motivation, and it feels like its getting better and better. So yay. Food was good - got bloated again D: Reminded me of that last time, during summer. Came back from pizza and crashed at the playground xD Remember falling asleep with Nubcake beside me....had a very good dream :3 Went back to church and felt like poo. I acted like I was preggo xD
Ahh...good times. 2 more weeks till xmas. ^^
NUBCAKE JUST DITCHED ME ON MSN. LINDDAAA ~ T^T
| A QUICKIE of an update. :3 >> Wednesday, December 2, 2009 |
Umumumum okay gonna try to do this super fast so I can get working ;o
Ended up going to Broadway yesterday. THANK ELLIS SO MUCH.
Stupid Dad, probably planned that whole thing trying to get me to miss it >.> Sheeeessh.
Pretty good show ^^ Was short though D: Terek was HILARIOUS. Wish we could have a host like that xD
First act. Doris pokes me behind the back when the whole 'lover' thing goes on in the intro asking me if I was jealous >.> -no comment- BUT THEN.
So his act comes on. First thing when it starts: Our whole group is like, OMG WTF
YUJIE HE'S CHEATING ON YOU.
T^T
And then me turning around:
DORIS DORIS DORRIISS ~ RYANS CHEATING ON ME ! LOVE IS FAITHFUL T.T
Didnt think it'd be THAT intimate. D: (Yes, it was intimate >.>) And I will admit I was a bit jealous >.> Because because because I recognized that look in his eyes (haha, pardon the pun) and he looked so into it and happy and...
I wanted to be the one ok. >.>
(Oh gawd PLEASE tell me he won't read this or I'll be so embaressed x.x)
But yeah. I did anticipate something, but not something so....Blahhhklsjf;sdkjsdlfs.
AND IT WAS ON STAGE.
T^T
-is having a sob fest/ranting session-
My Nubcaaakkkeee...~~~ D:
And sheesh, he always compares about dancing yet has no problem dancing on stage with another girl >.>
BLAAAHH
LOL @ Ellis. When he saw that, saying to me "Don't worry, she's ugly. No competition :D"
-headdesk-
At least there wasn't any kissing scenes. >.> OTHERWISE. SOMETHING UNFORTUNATE MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED.
-grrr-
-shakefist-
Other than that, all pretty good ^^ Laura Larson scared me. I was anticipating much better theatrics from her after Wiz of Oz a few years ago. =/ Sarah was really good though. And Becky was hilarious, lol. Irina looked so nervous D: Feel bad for her, they messed up on her act which made it worse for her. :( But they pulled through, which is good ^^ Her partner looked as if she was having a really hard time with her mic, which was WAY too short. o-o GG.
---
Today...
Really crappy day.
Missed my alarm clock in the morning. Didn't have time to get ready.
Got teh sick. D:
Went to orch. Died of boredom/tiredness.
Then some STUPID NINER GIRL.
Walks by, I tell her to watch her step because my hot chocolate's right there.
So she chooses not to listen and kicks it over.
SO. F-ING. PISSED.
THAT WAS LIKE, MY LIFE.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME AWAKE DURING THE DAY.
WTF.
(No, I wasn't PMSing. I was tired and feeling uber sick. And I'm especially cranky in early early mornings towards niner girls that don't know how to watch OR listen and leaves their mess as if they hadn't done anything.) *rantrant*
And then epic failed my music assignment. Stupid finale f-ed me up. Felt like such crap...it was so bad. x.x The look on his face....D:
And it marks go towards university too...>< Felt like a giant slap in the face. Wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Most dreadful 5 mins of my life. In front of the whole class. x.x
Died in health class as well. Wasn't even normal falling asleep. Honestly think I started passing out...didn't even know what was happening/remember anything anymore. Normally I'm aware and knows whats going on...but today, all I remember is feeling really dizzy and next thing I know, I'm dead on the desk. x.x What a bad impression to give to the guest speakers...argh.
Screwed for debate as well. Feel like such a disappointment. Dx
Work now. Things to do (checklist for myself):
1. Math 1
2. Math 2
3. History Essay
4. English journal (Done!)
5. LOTF response (Done!)
6. Science worksheet (NOTE: learn moles)
7. Music assignment (redo and pray for better mark)
8. Civics assignment
9. Debate
10. Choreograph the dance
How the hell am I supposed to get this all done by friday.
._.
Ended up going to Broadway yesterday. THANK ELLIS SO MUCH.
Stupid Dad, probably planned that whole thing trying to get me to miss it >.> Sheeeessh.
Pretty good show ^^ Was short though D: Terek was HILARIOUS. Wish we could have a host like that xD
First act. Doris pokes me behind the back when the whole 'lover' thing goes on in the intro asking me if I was jealous >.> -no comment- BUT THEN.
So his act comes on. First thing when it starts: Our whole group is like, OMG WTF
YUJIE HE'S CHEATING ON YOU.
T^T
And then me turning around:
DORIS DORIS DORRIISS ~ RYANS CHEATING ON ME ! LOVE IS FAITHFUL T.T
Didnt think it'd be THAT intimate. D: (Yes, it was intimate >.>) And I will admit I was a bit jealous >.> Because because because I recognized that look in his eyes (haha, pardon the pun) and he looked so into it and happy and...
I wanted to be the one ok. >.>
(Oh gawd PLEASE tell me he won't read this or I'll be so embaressed x.x)
But yeah. I did anticipate something, but not something so....Blahhhklsjf;sdkjsdlfs.
AND IT WAS ON STAGE.
T^T
-is having a sob fest/ranting session-
My Nubcaaakkkeee...~~~ D:
And sheesh, he always compares about dancing yet has no problem dancing on stage with another girl >.>
BLAAAHH
LOL @ Ellis. When he saw that, saying to me "Don't worry, she's ugly. No competition :D"
-headdesk-
At least there wasn't any kissing scenes. >.> OTHERWISE. SOMETHING UNFORTUNATE MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED.
-grrr-
-shakefist-
Other than that, all pretty good ^^ Laura Larson scared me. I was anticipating much better theatrics from her after Wiz of Oz a few years ago. =/ Sarah was really good though. And Becky was hilarious, lol. Irina looked so nervous D: Feel bad for her, they messed up on her act which made it worse for her. :( But they pulled through, which is good ^^ Her partner looked as if she was having a really hard time with her mic, which was WAY too short. o-o GG.
---
Today...
Really crappy day.
Missed my alarm clock in the morning. Didn't have time to get ready.
Got teh sick. D:
Went to orch. Died of boredom/tiredness.
Then some STUPID NINER GIRL.
Walks by, I tell her to watch her step because my hot chocolate's right there.
So she chooses not to listen and kicks it over.
SO. F-ING. PISSED.
THAT WAS LIKE, MY LIFE.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME AWAKE DURING THE DAY.
WTF.
(No, I wasn't PMSing. I was tired and feeling uber sick. And I'm especially cranky in early early mornings towards niner girls that don't know how to watch OR listen and leaves their mess as if they hadn't done anything.) *rantrant*
And then epic failed my music assignment. Stupid finale f-ed me up. Felt like such crap...it was so bad. x.x The look on his face....D:
And it marks go towards university too...>< Felt like a giant slap in the face. Wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Most dreadful 5 mins of my life. In front of the whole class. x.x
Died in health class as well. Wasn't even normal falling asleep. Honestly think I started passing out...didn't even know what was happening/remember anything anymore. Normally I'm aware and knows whats going on...but today, all I remember is feeling really dizzy and next thing I know, I'm dead on the desk. x.x What a bad impression to give to the guest speakers...argh.
Screwed for debate as well. Feel like such a disappointment. Dx
Work now. Things to do (checklist for myself):
1. Math 1
2. Math 2
3. History Essay
4. English journal (Done!)
5. LOTF response (Done!)
6. Science worksheet (NOTE: learn moles)
7. Music assignment (redo and pray for better mark)
8. Civics assignment
9. Debate
10. Choreograph the dance
How the hell am I supposed to get this all done by friday.
._.
